Stock Investor Pillows

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Profit

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Wall St. or True Love.

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

Will work for ETFs

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."