Investors Pillows

'...the Market's rallied again.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

Shareholder's Meetings

"Do we have a place for your portfolio's ashes?"

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

"I'm Only here for the beer!"

'Yes, you're right! We have increased our initial investment.'

'Your business plan demonstrates that you have traded prudently, invested wisely and grown at a sensible rate. All your projections look accurate. I'm afraid that in the current economic climate there is no way that this bank can invest...'

"I'm taking no chances, I've invested everything in gold."

The Tooth Accountant

Actualities - Betting Mania - Man attempting 75 shaves in an hour has selected 75 shareholders of the docks 'because they're easily shaved'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"I think we're entering the dimished marginal utility phase of our relationship."

'No, we don't have an exchange traded fund yet for baseball cards or comic books.'

'Sometimes late at night I'm not sure the leading economic indicators know where they're going,'

'You will spend your life investing money and getting rich...then you will lose your marbles, and give it all away.'

The Rich Gets Richer

'If elected. I will work to change Labor Day to Investors Day!'

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

'My advice is to sell tech, buy acme cleaning supply. But what do I know? I'm just the cleaning lady here!'

'The king is in the counting house counting up his mutual fund profits.'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

'This graph may need some explaining...'

California Investments: Quake-Proof Your Portfolio!

"I never dreamed the substantial early withdrawal penalty was the fund itself."

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

"Good day, young sir! Would you care to exchange your cows for some preference shares in Beanstalk Development Industries?"