Stock Investing Pillows

'Well, our money went down the drain. Fortunately, I still have some of mine.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Profit

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"What's a debenture?"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."