Stimulant Lover T-Shirts

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

Bubble gum leaves

"WOW...this new bike has great acceleration!"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'You've had enough!'

"Do I have to go out again!?"

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'Here's to being in love, in a hurry, and in debt.'

"In the hat! In the hat!"

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"I feel like I'm persecting."

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'One day son, all this will be yours!'

"Shoulder work ahead"

Scotch and soda on a drip.

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"I don't care what the owner's name is. It's bad luck."

'I've learned that adding water to coffee only weakens the effect.'

"I don't need a costume. I am halloween."

"Sorry, that was the three cups of coffee, four cans of red bull, and double dose of Paxil talking."

'Do you like my new fragrance - It's called 'Surrender'.'

the bureaucrat's desk

Saguaro Cacti.

"I'm going to the store—do we need anything?"

You need to transfer your fear of the falling stock market into a healthy activity. Try skydiving.

"Whore of Babylon?"

'I'm not happy with my 'honey and lilac' shampoo.'

'Garlic and crucifixes won't hurt, but if you really want to keep the Count at bay just say 'commitment'.'

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"