Stepchild Pillows

"I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was young."

"Good evening. I am Martha's son by a previous marriage."

"And those, I believe, are my stepchildren."

'Holidays is the good news on stepparents - I have 15 grandparents buying me gifts.'

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Father and son with matching beer crates.

"We penguin fathers are the greatest!!!..."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Child on a schedule.

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

Ugly sisters from Cinderella fighting

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

"That's my mum and her boyfriend's the one next to my dad who's behind his girlfriend next to his second wife, just behind my mums first husband."

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

A kid like me needs a dad like you! You know. Someone to post bail.

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"We've found your birth mother."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

'Mom's Diner: your meal free if you wash all the dishes and take out the garbage.'

Mr. Dombey introduces his daughter Florence