Steady Eddie Appreciator Pillows

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

"It's not art, really - just something I pulled out of my butt."

Amongst the rush.

'...if you look at it in the right way it begins to make sense.'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

Snail Display Today

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

Speed Checked By Radar.

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'

Deadpan Delivery.

A tortoise

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

Sign outside tortoise shell: 'Out to lunch'.

"Mr. Green and I should be there in about 2 hours!"

Tortoise Mailman.

Ponies for Sale

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

"What if I run out of sticky notes to remind myself to get more sticky notes???"

Tortoise: I've been fired from the Marching Band: I couldn't keep up...

"It's those creative types you ought to be checking on."

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

"The snail-mail of our species is deadlier than the e-mail."

'You know I have a race tomorrow.'

"Well yes, we've been married for eighty years, but your grandma didn't want to rush things: We were engaged for thirty years before that..."

True Modesty.

'I love my job, but the commute is killing me.'

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

"I shouldn't have gone to freshen up at the interval: The second act was almost over by the time I reached my seat again..."

"Jeanine, there's no one I'd rather binge-watch TV with in a desperate attempt to escape a world I find terrifying and perplexing than you."