Starting Financial Planning Pillows

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

He's been frozen like this since he looked at our 401(k) last week.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Watering Money

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"