Starting An Investment Portfolio Pillows

wealth investment

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

Investment Company: We welcome nest eggs.

Investments: Free Bumper Stickers for Customers.

'The starred items in your IRA are stocks from companies that were bailed out.'

We cater to the small investor.

"Are you sure our off shore holdings are safe?"

Financial advice

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"That was a rumor day."

My First Bitcoin.

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

If you're so good at picking winning stocks, why do you still have to work?

"Investment strategy - fear."

'That's much better.'

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

'Downwind from a herd of first time investors approaches the pinstriped investment banker, eager to make a kill.'

The high tech crash of the early 2000s...and the depression that followed.

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

'Corporations' studying a city for its 'pros' and 'cons'

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."