Opening An Investment Portfolio Pillows

My First Bitcoin.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

wealth investment

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"That was a rumor day."

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

"Investment strategy - fear."

'That's much better.'

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

We cater to the small investor.

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'

'The starred items in your IRA are stocks from companies that were bailed out.'