Starting A Political Career Gifts

Political Science 101: This semester's topics - twisting of facts, manipulation, power-grabbing.

Joe Biden

Attempting to a Political Career

Entering Washington DC...Take responsibility for your actions!

'Instead of being just like Michael Jordan, I wanna be just like Barack.'

"You're a narcissistic, self-serving opportunist devoid of a conscience. A career in politics beckons!"

"For 2016 I have only one word for you...TRUMP!!!"

'The greenest government ever?'

"I think my experience in management is just what is required to be a success in politics..."

'I've achieved all I can in the business world, so I've decided to go into politics where I can really wreak havoc.'

'And let me assure you that no matter what side you are on, I'm on it with you.'

"No one is prepared for life as a congressman. Just imagine it's your first day in junior high school."

"What was I thinking?!"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

'Danae's spent all this week writing new amendments, which I can only assume means she doesn't know what it'll take to get them into the constitution...so I sent her a link on the process...'

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

Lisbon Treaty.

'When I'm old enough to vote, I'm going to select Santa Claus as a write-in candidate.'

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

'And here you see the heart of this nation's capital. If you roll down your windows, you can smell the BS.'

'Congratulations son. A term or two in Congress is excellent preparation for a career as a lobbyist.'

"I'm thinking of getting into office politics."

"Speechmaking during a pandemic can be unnerving.. just pretend there's an audience!"

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

Remember, Cromwell, it's not the actual number of new jobs created that counts. It's the number of new job announcements.'

Attorney General Barr

"Actually, minister, as long as you say 'strong and stable, you can fill the rest with any old b*llocks!"

"Do my hair like Boris Johnson."

On the Campaign Trail...

"Honk If You're Running For Governor!