Starting A New Job In Finance Gifts

'We have three confirmations, the crystal ball, the magic 8-ball and the coin flip, all say to buy.'

'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'

'If we're going to have a banking relationship, you'll have to trust me more than this.'

"Just once, I'd like to be able to write a check without getting thrown in jail."

'You haven't touched the the reserve funds yet, have you?.'

The stages of gentrification: a guide

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

Heartless Taxation Department

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Investment Firm - Stocks and Bonds/Commodities/Precious Metals.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

You wouldn't need to do much. Just show up at the occasional Stockholders Meeting.

Tax relief

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Killer Executive Suits.

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Carefree luggage.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Reach for the Star.

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Pipe Dream.

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

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