Starting A New Job At An Airline Pillows

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Not only is our flight delayed, but the airline has declared bankruptcy."

Welcome to the Team

Walking Luggage.

Airport Security.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

The World's Easiest Airport

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

The World Wide Web.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Rubbish Carousel

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Two airplanes

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

'He's still following us, Don.'

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

Rail travel - the environmental alternative (that sometimes doesn't allow bikes)

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

'Will that be coach?'

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'