Starting A New Job Gifts

Learning Curve

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

"First of all, forget everything you learned in obedience school."

'First off, there's no 'y' in resume...'

"You said I'd be part of a team."

"I take it this is your first day as a scene of crimes officer?"

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

It's easier if we all pull together.

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

The Move.

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

'See how much easier it is when we all work together.'

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

'Just measuring your job performance...'

Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

Business relationships are tricky. While a handshake may not always seem enough, a hug is always too much.

"This is where you'll be working. Don't worry if it's confusing at first, you'll have training."

"When do the training wheels come off?"

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"I don't have any yet. We just opened."

"Before I forget, Detrick, here's the dental plan."

'We are all accountable, but some are more accountable than others.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Long term I want to enhance my leadership skills and ascend the corporate ladder. Short term I want a mocha latte.'

"Besides caring too much? I'd probably have to go with Kryptonite."

'You'll like it here, Clayton. In fact it's one of our rules.'

The key to landing a good job is patience, persistence and timing. And networking.

'Right, now that a relationship of trust has been established, let's get down to business, shall we ?'

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to far, go together." - African proverb.

Employee performance review software.

"Everybody gets a raise."

Learning Curve