Stand-up Lovers Pillows

National Sarcasm Awareness: 'Thanks! Like that's really going to help.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Children's Parties

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Lesser known greek gods,

U of Debt

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Stand-up Romcom

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Romeo & Juliet & Ron