Stand-up Session Lover Pillows

Stand-up Romcom

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

'I'm a star!'

David Niven caricature

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'How about a nice saloon?'

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Chris O'Dowd

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'I'm looking for an assistant who can keep me in mind of how well I'm doing.'

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

'Never forget, Sweetheart, it's my low comedy that keeps you in high fashion!'

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

The First Hecklers

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'