Stand-up Session Lover Pillows

Early Stand-Up Comedy. 'A neanderthal, a Cro-magnon and a peking man walk into a cave...'

Stand-up Romcom

The only time cats are known to laugh.

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'I'm a star!'

David Niven caricature

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

"Here's a request from someone who'd like to hear something in tune for a change. Oh, we have a comedian out there, I see."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'How about a nice saloon?'

'Never forget, Sweetheart, it's my low comedy that keeps you in high fashion!'

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Chris O'Dowd

'I'm looking for an assistant who can keep me in mind of how well I'm doing.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

Bob Monkhouse

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

Stand Up Bush