Stagehand T-Shirts

"Well, that's show business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Stage Realism

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

'I'm here in case one of the actors actually does break a leg.'

Janitor sweeping music notes off of concert stage.

"Don't worry - it's just a stage you're going through."

Drunken sailor

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Pirate

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

Woman crying with happiness.

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Tina Turner

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."