Stage Assistant T-Shirts

'This job does offer medical benefits, doesn't it?'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"It's a play on words."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Woman crying with happiness.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Tina Turner

Magic Tricks