Stable Humorist Pillows

'I'm not convinced it's healthy to hold your poop in for this long...'

'Lost again. I hope you kept a diary of your trip.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"