Squirrel Whisperer Pillows

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

"Pardon me, Karen. Would you be filling the bird feeder soon? Asking for a friend..."

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

The definitive turning point in The Great Terrier-Squirrel War was the now-famous Trojan Acorn Maneuver.

'That's the guy who ran over Mom last week. He has some nerve coming back here. And a bag of nuts.'

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

DOG PARK - 'I can't believe they allow squirrels in here!'

"Can't afford your analyst? I'll listen to you for peanuts!"

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

Cat woman shopping for cats.

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"