Spunk Seeker Pillows

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Ghost School.

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

'You say 'boo' she wets herself.'

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Open House of Horrors

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

Welcome Ghost.

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wish upon a star (well it's worth a try).

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

The secret to happiness is knowing how to keep a secret.

Reading room

'Every day son, I feel on top of the World!'

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

"You never know what will catch on!"

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

Janet Leigh

"Excuse me, do you folks believe in ghosts?"

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

"You've got termites."

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

'Repossessed? No, I said it was possessed.'

"This place is famous for the way they serve eggs."