Spreadsheet Savant Prints

"I love your optimism."

April 15th

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"Here we have the calculations for this quarter's EBITDA."

'What was your entry, 'Rob Peter to Pay Paul all about?'

"...Thompson...there should be a Nobel Prize for accountancy."

"What separates the expert from a normal accountant is the ability to make simple things utterly incomprehensible."

"Is it just me or have these numbers lost their crunchiness?"

'What are you doing?' - 'I'm compiling all of my lists into a spreadsheet... duh.' - 'You're ridiculous...' - 'I'm adding you to my 'discouraging people' worksheet for that unhelpful comment.' - 'Oh, sod off!' - 'Now I'm cross referencing you with my 'per

'I can answer your tax question but you have to stop crying first.'

'Granted, our net worth is zero but look at how easy the bookkeeping is.'

"That 'LOL' on the balance sheet stands for 'Lost Our Leverage'."

"But you said don't sweat the small stuff."

Crawl

"I was counting on you – got distracted and lost count."

Deadly sales figures...

I am billing therefore I am

"First rule of accountancy, NEVER mention the shredder."

"But what does it mean?"

"No, I didn't use Turbo Tax. I used Tebow Tax. I filed and prayed everything was okay."

"I'm David and I'm a bean-counter."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'I knew insects wouldn't take over the world...numbers will!'

'Bill, I want you to meet Hal from accounting.'

'Books balanced yet?' - 'Yes, except for the decimal point.'

'I was an accountant who used a mobile decimal point.'

Rebates 'R' Us - 1,000 Accountants Under One Roof

"That reminds me: I need the sales figures ready for tomorrow's meeting."

"We've worked out all the figures, we're just not sure what order to put them in!"

Tax Collector

Post Office. People seem to be reading a lot more these days --- I get a lot of letters that start out "In going over my books

"‘Crunching’ didn’t work, but let’s have Lou from accounting rub his nose in the numbers. That might do the trick."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'