Spreadsheet Dodger Pillows

"I can't open the spreadsheet. I'm having technical difficulties."

Overworked in the office

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

Macho talk from down in accounting.

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

'This is a very bad report, Jenkins. Go to your cubicle.'

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Dunhomin"

"Watching him work those spreadsheets all day can be very relaxing."

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

It's worse than you think, it goes down to the third floor.

"I have been inputting garbage into my systems for 12 months, why is this spend analysis GARBAGE?!"