Spread Enthusiast Pillows

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

"Man does not live by bread alone."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Satya Nutella

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

As Seen Watching TV

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

The Daily Me

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.