Sports Mishaps Appreciator Pillows

The thrill of sliding safely into third on astroturf...the agony of your pants not doing it with you.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Zdeno Chara

The Rugby Throw Up.

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

"Misery, torment, N.Y. football"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Discus accidents.

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

A football referee accidentally shoots his starting pistol in his pocket.

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

'And remember: when introduced to the other team's captain, make direct eye contact and give a firm handshake...'

Listen up, team! There will be no trash talk. No harassing the refs. No throwing elbows. Understand? Yes, coach! Ok, kids! Go play! Coach.

"Sit! Heel! Stay! Give me the darn ball!!" "Ball dogs – bad idea"

"I understand you were involved in a golf mishap this morning!"

Victim support

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

A little green monster

"There's no way I would ever let my boys play football...it's just too dangerous....!"

"Oh, Oh, it looks like they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane three."

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"Son, I told you this would happen if you didn't wear a cup!"

Golf course

"I'd feel more comfortable if you'd use diplomacy."

Football League: Concussions R US.

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Lost your ball in the rough? Larry, this is bowling!

'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'

Football Brain Injuries

Brains on the field.

'Players treat me with a lot more respect since they found out I'm a retired colonel.'

'Look here Frobisher, you've adhered to the rules. You haven't cheated, self-aggrandised or whined about money. That's rather unsportsmanlike of you.'

Golfer on Football Pitch