Sports Minister Gifts

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

The MBA Draft

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Go team!

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Golfing Bishop.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

Early Piety

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'