Sports Intellectual Pillows

Football Brain

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

Paul Ree

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

Miss America IQ Pageant

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

Perils of the double play.

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

The Other Cooperstown

"Have you been working out?"

"I love fast break business success."

"So, what are you reading?"

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"Now that was post-modern sex."

Football team discussions.

Assertiveness

Pole Vault Rules

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Cristiano Ronaldo

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

The Giamatti era

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Baseball Clubhouse Pranks

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'

'Are you blind ref?'