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"Anyone got a toilet roll?"

'Don't worry, Kyle. You're gonna be ok. The athletic trainer will tape you up and get you back on the field in no time.'

'Tennis Nets.'

"I'm telling ya the hare is a big fat liar! I don't do steroids!"

Doping in Skiing

"Course I touched him on the hip - it was a scrum and we're on the same side!"

The True Achievers.

Doping

Medals subject to drugs test results

"These drugs in sports are tearing the game apart."

'Do I go to your place of work and criticize you?'

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

Up the Sensitivity

'...Baseball bats, gentlemen, are sacred objects. We do not dress them up in doll clothing.'

Bloody good player, but talk about injury prone!

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

Fantasy Steroid Baseball.

'Bit late to find out you're a pacifist, ain't it?'

You look exhausted. I stayed up all night watching footage of my old football games. Sadie's right. I found three highlights where I got his so hard in the head I got carried off the field. What if something happened to me? What if my brain isn't functioning correctly? If someone's brain was fine, he'd give me money to buy an XBox game. I can't even follow that sentence! What's happening?!

"As expected... the call goes in for Scissors."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Reach for the Star.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.