Sportive Banterers Pillows

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"