Spoiled Pet Humor Pillows

'We'd like something new and improved for dinner.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Pet Entertainers

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"You are not going to the meet in the horse-box. The walk will do you good."

The First Cone of Shame.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

The Karate Kitten.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

Cat Gets Hole in One.

'No need to shout.'

"Pampered?"

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Yes, having a powerful sense of smell is good, but I do wish Master would change his socks more often...'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

"Looks like we'll be eating leftovers for a month!"