Spiritual Tech Adopter Gifts

Cable Bill.

"I'm going on a retreat."

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

First O.M.G. church.

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

You Have 1 New Messages

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

Holy phone

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

Why god isn't listening...

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

Palm Top Readings

"We have a new app that does sin to atonement conversion."

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

Guru logs on to 'Why-fi'.

'He meditates,on the harmony of nature and the meaning of life for a few weeks, and then - Zap! - A new silicon chip.'

"I'm your guardian angel. But due to some technical glitz, I happen not to be invisible!"

Binary meditation.

"I'm gettng a message from the Other Side ... buffering ... still buffering ..."

"I'm going on a retreat."