Spiritual Realist Pillows

Joe experiences a profound, life-changing moment of clarity, but it simply can't compete with the cool informercial he was watching at the time.

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Characters jumping out of a book.

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Cheeze Wiz.

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

Marriage least expected to last...

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

World Production.

A Zircon Is Forever

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"My computer just texted me."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

Unconditional Loveseat

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."