Spiritual Leader Prints

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'You must realize that desire is the cause of almost all unhappiness - but, just out of curiosity, where could I get a suit like that?'

"I have reached the higher plane of consciousness and enlightenment."

"I'll be answering that question and many more in next week's webinar."

'Of course the meaning of life has practical applications!'

'The wisdom of life is to grow older in a warm climate.'

'Really? -- the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'A sure-win radio talk show. People phone in with questions on existence and reality, and you respond with total silence.'

"Tell me the truth—have I ever made tea come out of your nose?"

"Resisting temptation here at the monastery is too easy - let's go to Las Vegas for a real challenge!"

Pastoring for Dummies

'Serenity, calmness, peace, nirvana, enlightenment....I just can't take the pressure any more!'

'You can have inner peace or you can have chili with beans, but you can't have both.'

'One day, there will be world peace...in the meantime, you may want to step away from the fan.'

'You can have inner peace or you can have chili with beans, but you can't have both.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

Guru sells mountaintop franchises.

'The truth is inside of you.'

A man walks towards "Enlightenment" while his feet walk towards "Sandals".

Mr. Schimpf Learns the Secret of Life

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"This is the only spectacle frame that fits your special needs, sir."

'Some people are calling you a false prophet.'

'I'm sorry, but for that kind of money I really can't help you work on yourself.'

'I don't have the heart to tell him that electric typewriters aren't REALLY the latest thing.'

Guru, Inc: VP Parables, VP Allegories, VP Enigmas, VP Riddles.

'We use dialup since it gives us more time to meditate.'

'Thank you for calling the guru. If you want the meaning of life, press one. If you want the significance of the Universe, press two. If you want....'

Celestial reading lamp.