Spiritual Laugher Pillows

'We're a little overcrowded in here, boys- pick a number between one and one hundred.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Praying mantis.

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

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'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'Stick on Souls'

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

"I take it the defense rests."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

'I don't know. I woke up with it after preaching last weeks sermon...'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

Astronaut Slips On A Banana Peel

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

Glenn Beck! First time caller!