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"So is it difficult having one leg shorter than the other?"

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

Make your own bottled water.

"Your job could be worse and I'm open to any suggestion to make it so."

"You have the Hum bug.'

'Mind that molar, careful of that canine...'

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"What about that! His brain still uses the old vacuum tubes."

No Layoffs Next 200 Miles

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

Drücke dein Glück: Covid-Testausgabe

"Some Rain Forest this is..."

'General practitoner'

"I seriously doubt that's going to count."

"Sigh! No boating today." "For? Damn!" "Okay, prep her. Oh, and cancel my tee time." "How elective surgery really works."

Balloon Boy

'I wish we could tape their ramblings under anesthesia, it would make a great reality show.'

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

"Why did we buy such huge furniture?"

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

'Say, aren't you the building inspector who gave us such a hard time when we were building a house last year?'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."