Spin Expert Gifts

A boy and his spin patrol.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

"The good news is...you've one less window to wash."

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

'It has been revealed that a senior politician will criticise something in a speech. Later they will criticise the opposite of something, just in case.'

The Truth

Chinese History: Redwash

"There sits the unvarnished truth. Now, how shall we interpret it to our advantage?"

'I don't know whether these are good grades or not. The teacher calls them unique.'

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

"Looks like he's coming around to our way of thinking."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

"We specialize in corporate slogans, business brochures and annual reports to shareholders..."

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

Spinochio

"And that's the way we want you to think it is."