Spin Doctor Wannabe Pillows

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'It has been revealed that a senior politician will criticise something in a speech. Later they will criticise the opposite of something, just in case.'

Un-Truth

The Truth

Chinese History: Redwash

"There sits the unvarnished truth. Now, how shall we interpret it to our advantage?"

'I don't know whether these are good grades or not. The teacher calls them unique.'

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

"Looks like he's coming around to our way of thinking."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

"I didn't know you could get a PhD in Spin."

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

"And that's the way we want you to think it is."

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

"We specialize in corporate slogans, business brochures and annual reports to shareholders..."

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

Office of the PR of the United States