Spending Time Together Mugs

Wife turns husband off with remote control.

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

Sharing Interests. Husband has taken up knitting.

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

"What shall we stare at tonight?"

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"They grow up so fast."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"She's been so creative lately."

Haircuts

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

'She's just great with the children.'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Office pics on dinner table.

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

Swinging

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."