Speech Satire Appreciator Gifts

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Gay Times...

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'Oh Hi!'

The Berlin Peace Movement

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"They're so like us."

"Steamed vegetables."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

The Greek Trampoline

Russia Money Laundering

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"Amateurs."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."