Speculator T-Shirts

Department of Pure Speculation.

"No one knows what he does, but it's rumored that he's the guy who sets global oil prices."

Men placing an advertisement in search of a naive investor

"We don't need toilet paper. We've got fat cats, speculators and politicians with loon tongues!"

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

'The market dropped sharply on the rumor that new sell off rumors in the financial sector will lead to more widespread rumors...'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Wall Street Down

"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."

Stock Market Adventure

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

"...And that's the studio where we filmed the Moon Landing..."

Finance Director killed by falling profits

'What I want you to do is spot any mistakes before I make them.'

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

The tumbling dice...

'Been toying with commodities again, have we?'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

Sell the Universe !

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

"When do we all start frantically buying gold again?"

'On days when the stock market suffers sharp losses... it's best not to mention in recovery.'