Speculation Enthusiasts Pillows

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

"It covers up all the debt."

'Kleinzweck has a theory that the strong nuclear force is actually tiny rolls of duct tape.'

'The market dropped sharply on the rumor that new sell off rumors in the financial sector will lead to more widespread rumors...'

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

Department of Pure Speculation.

Jean Philippe Rameau

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

International Speculators

Stock Market Adventure

'Yes, fifty to one is a great return on your money, but the muddy track makes it a risky investment.'

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

Energy speculation.

"...And that's the studio where we filmed the Moon Landing..."

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

The Tooth Accountant

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

"I'm not sure what kind of luck this is."

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

"Your fortune: in a few minutes the rice with rotten shrimps that you ate will start making you feel very sick. We strongly recommend that you drive to the nearest hospital."

Agnostics Society: Absolute worst place to ask for directions.

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"I don't trust my stockbroker. He's married a travel agent."

'Hi, I'm Donald and I have been too enthusiastic for forty years.'

'It's been seven years bad luck.'

'But what if I'm wrong...?'

'Well I've got four rabbit's feet, and look where it got me.'