Spandex Skeptic T-Shirts

"Can't you take up some kind of sport that doesn't involve spandex?"

On the back of the t-shirt...

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Support Group for high heels abandoned during the pandemic

"It's a self-driving skateboard."

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"They can steal my bike, but they can't take my dignity."

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'I'm trying to get in shape enough so I can wear Spandex in public.'

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? "Death of a Salesman." Adapted to a fly, of course.

'Your Dad'll give your bike back when he realises he won't qualify for 2012.'

Jeff was watching his weight.

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

"She's not the perfect wife, but at least she's not always buying shoes."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

'You've got me. Is it animal, vegetable or minestrone?'

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

"£38,000 in consultancy fees and 'sell more stuff' is the best you can manage."

"I made a new year's resolution to eat spinach. If I can't stand it, I'll give it up for Lent."

Ladies in Lycra

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

"Last year, you said you were signing up to a gym...it it nice?"

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."

Just Say No to Chicken Soup

"I thought they were only shooting down white balloons! Not old men in red and blue spandex!"

"I only get them to please my dad."

Fitness. No, thanks

'He doesn't use drinking fountains. He can't swim.'