Soon-to-be-married Couple Pillows

They said it would never last. Even the photographer used a disposable camera.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Couples' therapy

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

"I'm texting you a love poem inspired by the emoji you sent me."

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

Last night of freedom.

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"