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Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

Shakespeare working on his "author's bio"

Distinguished Amateurs - The Poet

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

Will Self deprecation

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

'Major poets' 'Minor poets' 'Free agents'

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

Writer’s Corner

Writer's Block

Alexander Blok

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

Kate Atkinson

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"I imagine the men who wrote the Bible giggled every time they wrote 'I am the lord'."