Sodium Slayer Pillows

'You have too much salt in your diet.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Thunk! Teddy! Pick them up! They're toxic to all living things! Ok. Ok. But you don't have to exaggerate. Regrettably � I'm not.

Sawdust.

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

Medicine.

Zika: War on Mosquitoes

"After a long day at school, it's nice just to come home, kick back and outrun a horde of bloodthirsty zombies."

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."

"This year, no coal for the bad guys!"

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

"My nose whistling is keeping me awake all night."

How to Get Rid of All the Snow

"Your sermon had everyone at rapt attention. Good move cutting the church WiFi."

Jan was one of a select few personal trainers who would exercise demons...

'Your presentation left them open-mouthed. Every one of them was yawning!'

'This will kill the spores.'

'Faster Grace, it's gaining on you!'

Quarantine

Salt Mine - Warning: Contains Sodium

'I get that a lot.'

"Exorcising one's demons."

'Where're you going?' - 'Off to have your sausages carbon dated.'

Highest Anxiety

The low sodium diet of last resort.'

'John is a great father and a wonderful husband, but occasionally he wrestles with demons.'

A health food store uses a salt substitute to salt the sidewalk.

How's your home organizing going? Great

Balanced Budget

A snake passing from mouth to ear till it bites.