Societal Standards Pillows

Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in man's idea of a woman's body.

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

Victorian woman at a bar.

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"He must be very secure in his masculinity."

"Sorry, these are saved."

'-and stop saying 'who's carrying who over the threshold?''

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

Sign Reads: Loiter At Your Own Risk.

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"Imagine the body shaming she went through."

"You mind if I smoke?"

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'