Socially Responsible Investor Pillows

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

A wiser and a better man

IOC and human rights.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

The Economy Discovers FFF!

Climate Crisis and the Banks

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

Never Source

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

Money feeds tree of property

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'

'I can still remember the days when you had a social conscience'.

Holistic Stocks, Inc.