Socially Responsible Investor Pillows

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

A wiser and a better man

IOC and human rights.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

The Economy Discovers FFF!

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

Climate Crisis and the Banks

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Never Source

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

Money feeds tree of property

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

Holistic Stocks, Inc.

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'

'I can still remember the days when you had a social conscience'.

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"