Social Skills Pillows

"When someone doesn't like me I like them. . . when someone likes me I don't like them."

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

"She's fine over text and chat. I'ts just in person that she can't read emoticons."

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

'I start the morning with a warm 'Hello!' then downgrade through the day to a nod until I finally lose eye contact altogether.'

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

Yossi's mother couldn't understand why he was struggling socially.

'What is tact?' 'The unsaid part of what you think.'

'The problem with being a hermit crab is that I lack social skills...'

"Nice to meet you. And may I just say, I don't feel uncomfortable at all."

"Mum says I've got to thank you if you gave me anything."

When association-based memory techniques fail.

'I've never been any good at saying goodbye'.

"I'd love to learn more about wine, but I'm barely tolerable as it is."

"I just don't know if I have the energy to meet new people."

"I wonder if I should ask him to play."

"Quick! Say something to break the ice."

'I'd like to discuss your child's inability to interact with other children around him.'

Socially awkward shipwrecks.

'We've only seen your house from outside. You'd never guess that it was nice inside.'

'Wouldn't you like to go outside and interface with some of the other children?'

Why Bob lives alone...

"No I'm not, I'm just rude."

"You've all been convicted of not answering your texts in a timely manner. After this mandatory class, you will be released back into society."

Terrible with Names Anonymous

"Nice place. What are the metal things for?"

"I wouldn't say you embarrassed yourself. It was more like social self-immolation."

"Come on Hugh, you know you have to wallow in the mud hole before sitting down at the table."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"I sue others because I am a people person."

"A lot of people say that my absence is my best feature."

"You've been accepted by Harvard, but turned down by eight potential roommates."

Youth Training Center: 'I don't believe I have had the pleasure!'

Wow, it's Sue! Think of something spontaneous to say...

Group therapy for the socially retarded.