Social Skills Guru T-Shirts

"I know - it takes skill to sneak a peek at their tiny tags when you can't remember their names."

"So, what do you do for play?"

'Now that we've evolved, we should work on our people skills.'

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"'Host' and Cheese?"

"I think it’s time we started holding other kids’ hands."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."

"I did not ram Preston Sturges down their throats."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"I wish you hadn't ask Bill how business was."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

Ouija Bored

"Come on Hugh, you know you have to wallow in the mud hole before sitting down at the table."

"This one? This one? Listen, make up your mind, or I;m picking out a flea for you."

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

Yossi's mother couldn't understand why he was struggling socially.

'Now that we've evolved, we should work on our people skills.'

"I just don't know if I have the energy to meet new people."

"Well, I admire your assertiveness, but you might want to work on your people skills!"

Do you Twitter?

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

I knew a guy who was born with a sidelong glance. . .

Luckily for Sarah, her training had included a unit on detecting signs of negative body language.

"Are you talking to me?"

'I'd like to discuss your child's inability to interact with other children around him.'

"Ms. Sims and I have known each other for quite some time, but it turns out we aren't on a first-name basis."

Eye contact zone next 50 feet.

"It's our third date, can we look at each other now?"

"Today's alpha-lesson is 'become a vapor.' Wherever you are, be it a broom closet or a baseball stadium, carry yourself as if your body fills the entire room. Greet people with your arms out wide. Have a wide stance. A booming laugh. A wide open smile. Becoming a vapor is the best and most legal way to mark your territory."

'Oh, please and thank you work okay, but I miss the old days as a baby when a blood-curdling shriek could get immediate service.'

"You're a people pleaser. We could work on that, but then no one would like you."

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

"It's not my fault he keeps forgetting to bring food to the potlucks."