Social Situations Gifts

'Have you noticed it, too?'

'Our line is dead. Sometimes my old boyfriend goes off his medication.'

In the embarrassment cemetery

"Hey, the line forms at the fear!"

"I wonder if I should tell him he's a transvestite!?"

'Darling, I've brought mom round for tea! I hope it won't spoil my surprise!'

'Boy...it can be awkward meeting the parents for the first time.'

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

'I can't think of a polite way to ask Joaquin Phoenix to get off of our couch.'

I know what you're thinking...and you should be ashamed of yourself.

'Hey, hands off. . . No, not you.'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"Call me!"

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"Oh, I see you're busy, so I'll keep talking."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

Canadian Zoom

Another day, another conquest

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"