Social Media Pioneer Pillows

Facebook: The Early Days

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

21st century water cooler conversations.

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Digital Fomo!

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Obsession with the Internet.

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

City Marathon.

"I, TikTok."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

Trick or Tweet

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"She looks just like in your photos."

"The results are impressive, but it'll be decades before we can transmit and receive pornography."

Elephant ass selfie.

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."